You remember that woman the kids popped out of? Chances are she's still gonna be part of your life for the foreseeable future
Still love her? Hate her guts? Maybe you’re indifferent, perhaps she left you a widower (really sorry if this is the case). But chances are she’s still around. Chances are she’s still in your life.
Now the circumstances of your break up are your own. Not here to judge on what led you to this point, but I am here to judge you on how you move forward. You see, you and the mother of your kids are the two single most important people in your kids’ lives. Unless, you know, she’s a horrible alcoholic, drugged up nightmare who has alienated and disowned her kids. Although to be fair, it’s more likely the dad is the one in this position. But that ain’t you because you’re here learning to be the best dad you can be.
Don’t Shoot Yourself in the Foot
The kids’ mum is your best ally in the raising of your children. If you aren’t on speaking terms, if your co-parenting involves a drive by the ex’s house, slow the car down and get the kids to tuck and roll whilst you wave and yell ‘love you, see you next week,’ then you’re doing it wrong.
But if you are in this situation then there’s probably one of you that hates the other more. Maybe she caught you in bed with someone, maybe you caught her in bed with someone. Either way, those burnt bridges need a mend (even just a tightrope will do) for the sake of your kids.
In the aftermath of the break up when you’ve both had time to settle down, it’s time to rebuild. You can skip this bit if you’re already in an amicable state and read my article on co-parenting.
Suck up your pride, put some big boy pants on and be civil. You don’t have treat her like you wanna get back in her pants, but you do have to develop a working relationship, where you can talk, discuss, and agree on how to parent and raise your children together.
The Most Important Word
COMPROMISE. There’s your word for the rest of your co-parenting life because you’re not going to agree on everything.
Think about it this way. You want what’s best for the kids right? And the kids need their mum. Kids have a different relationship with their mums than their dads. After all they grew in her womb popped out of her.
They have bond different from a dad, it’s just the way it is. Even though you’re here reading this as a single dad, it’s fair to say that in most situations kids often spend more time with the mother after a break up. With that in mind, she needs to be the best mum she can be for her children. That means you should want her to be physically, emotionally and financially stable.
Evil
Money, ‘the root of all evil’, is often a big part of divorce settlements and can see both parents fighting for the most they can get out of each other. The term ‘take ‘em to the cleaners’, is a saying you may well have heard in the past. But who does that help? Certainly not the kids.
You both have to be fit, well and financially stable to be the best parents you can be. So put them first and compromise, as hard as it may be. Divorce is one of the most financially destructive forces out there, so life changes are going to be made whether you like it or not.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Be respectful. Never argue in front of the kids and avoid putting her down to the kids even when she’s not around. Telling your kids the break up is all her fault, that she’s the reason you have no money, that she’s the evil one, is unpleasant for your children to hear. You’re badmouthing someone who (hopefully) is the other biggest, loving, caring force in the kids’ lives. If their time with her is wonderful and happy, you saying bad things won’t make sense to them and they’ll start to lose respect and trust for you.
Suck it Baby
As hard as it is, suck up your pride and do the right thing for your kids’ wellbeing.
Your children need to love and trust both of you.
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